Look at That Big Girl

The worst effing statement to ever cross my ears.

I HATED this phrase when I was growing up. I was constantly described as the 'big girl' because I was tall. Although I am a people-pleaser to the end, I was not afraid to correct people that got this mixed up. 

Being tall you always stand out whether you want to or not and that height alone can force you into the spotlight without literally doing anything else. (If this doesn't make sense to you, you probably didn't grow up tall. And that's okay, I was probably jealous of you in high school, then.)

When you are growing up and figuring out who you are, how to fit in, how to not be noticed, if you even should be unique, etc you might not want that kind of attention. I didn't. I just wanted to shrink down a bit and fit in. 

This phrase blatantly called me out for the crap thinking it was and I was so offended by this phrase for the majority of my life. 

Until recently.

It won't surprise you that it was the innocent observation of a child to change my mind on this phrase. Here's my recent conversation with my three-year-old:

"Mom you're big." 

A little perturbed, but trying to hone in on this teachable moment I respond with: "Maybe. But Buddy, that's not a kind thing to say." 

Visibly shocked at my response, he continued, "Why Mom? I want to be big like you. You can reach the pedals on the car and get the cereal off the shelf. You pick me up and you're strong." 

(Instantly softening) "Well yeah, that's true."

"So I want to be big like you, Mom."

***Puddle***

"You will be Buddy. In fact, I think you'll be even bigger than me."

Eyes widened and clearly so happy at this prospect, "REALLY?"

"Yessir. But for right now you have the biggest heart and that is all that matters."

"Okay Mom." *Skips off and has no idea how he just affected me deeply.*

Kids.

Based on that conversation, I am changing over two decades of my thinking.

I'm choosing to take that phrase back.

Yes, I am big. 

Big heart to love. Big personality to entertain. Big presence to command a room. Big legs to carry me. Big arms to squeeze my babies. Big shoulders to bear any weight. Big ideas to share. Big dreams to accomplish.

I am big.

And I am (now) really fucking proud of that.

Stand tall, big sisters.

XO

KM